Every day..............
Soooooo scary in your own back yard.

So last Friday I was at a local bar where like everyone knows me and I only remember being there for 15 minutes. I apprently did things that r highly embrassing and terrible. which I’m not sure what because i’m hiding and won’t let anyone tell me… Well, I found out that I was the victim of the Date date rape drug,  Rohypnol and GHB (gamma-hydroxybutrate) mixed together in one. The doctors said I was lucky to be alive with the levels that where in my system mixed with the alchol that I had consumed. What scumbags there are. (So let’s have a toast to douchebags, let’s have a toast for the as*holes, let’s have a toast for the scumbags every one of them that i know….) I haven’t really told anyone because who knows if they would believe me and i have no clue who it could of been. I feel really sad because I guess I didn’t realize that my friend and foe’s perception of me is “that’s just her being drunk, the regular good time girl” it hurts alot. I feel like it’s my fault maybe because of how i dress or act someone thought it would be funny or I would like it. I guess I’m glad I remember nothing but the people there they will remember and they’ll never know the real reason why. I’m going to keep myself in hiding for a bit, maybe, well i’m hping someone will do something else and it will take the focus off of me.  It just goes to show you that anyone is capable of anything. The worst part is I’ll always look at the people I see and wonder “was it them?”  I feel a little better putting it out here though.


I would have to say it would have to be this painted plate that shows a little blonde girl in pj’s peeking her tear stained face out from her hands and corner of the wall  with her little dog at her feet…My Grandmom raised me and when I would get upset with my mom or life when I was way little that what I would do. My Grandmom bought that because it reminded her so much of me (I was much older when she bought it) four years later she passed and I remember looking at that plate and for the first time it actually made me smile. I now have it in my house and every time I see it I stop and smile to myself and think about how much love me and my Grandmom really shared!

people dont get it……….

so crazy these people on my block must sleep during the day every WEEK night it seems around 2:30 am they start a ruckus they live four houses down and some how always end up in front of my house or my neighbors. screaming and everything else crazy I’d like to hire some of the MUMMERS and have them play up and down the street right around 10AM and see how they like it. ahha good idea.

The more you talk the more famous you make me.
I wonder how bad that feels….

Just to know that I keep on keeping on with no looking back. That I don’t need you to survive, never did. I go forward because you can’t go back and why would I want to the best is yet to come!!! You always where trying to drowned me and for awhile I let it happen untill my lungs where so full that I thought soon I would be buried… That’s when I reached out to the old me begging her to take my hand and thankfully she did, well

I did. I took control of myself back  and I started being who I always had been, strong, determind, successful, beautiful, and wonderful. You had such a hatered for my confidence and demeaner which I couldn’t understand because thats how you met me. I wish no harm to you, but I hope that you can fix yourself because when i tried you only wanted me to feel as badly as you. I will never drink down the self pity and worthlessness as you do. I will never be around people who pretend to be friends, but are really backstabbers, just because they are the cool ones or being lonely. I feel sorry that people like that matter to you. I really do wonder how bad that feels, but I’m too positive to deal with that stuff. I never be to far away if you get your mind right and things are worked out, but as for now….Get well soon.  


I think it’s so insane how your own friends can just hate on you. If I’m thinner then you and I want to where nice clothes and heels that show me off so what. If you don’t like it don’t look at me or don’t act like your my friend when inside you wishing that I would walk around in sweat pants and t-shirts everyday just so that YOUR man won’t look my way. Here’s a novel idea have CONFIDENCE in yourself and relationship. Just because I can kick it with the fellas, talking about football or whatever else because I’m smart, successful, and sexy doesn’t mean I want your man! Please who wants sloppy seconds. Also, I’m such a GREAT friend to all my girls that why would you even think that about me! I’m the one the you call up crying, I’m the one that gives you a cheer me up card when it’s needed, I’m the one cleaning up your throw up at the end of the night, then one holding your hair back, giving you my earrings right out of my ears because you liked them so much, helping you with your bills when you fall short, and the list goes on and on. WHO DO I GET TO LEAN ON, WHEN DOES SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF ME?? This is why I ALWAYS have and prob ALWAYS will have more guy friends then girls. If a guy gets mad at you they hit it head on, tell you what’s up and then it’s done; when it’s a female on the other hand if they get mad they have to call, text, or post it on facebook for everyone to see and hear. Usually the person they are mad with is the last one to know. Oh and yea for the fellas out there, just because I don’t wanna get with you and I’m not just going to drop my pants doesn’t give you the right to spread vicious rumors about me. SO, in final thought “If everyone would stop drinking the  haterade don’t worry about what I do and get some confidence in yourself, our world would be a much better place and we could all be better friends. PUT THE HATERADE DOWN!”